The Ruth Institute
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Why Not Take Her for a Test Drive?
December 14, 2022
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This was originally published in by Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, in 2001.

The Census reports a 72% increase in the number of cohabiting couples since 1990. Unfortunately, research shows that correlated with greater likelihood of unhappiness, and domestic violence in the relationship. Cohabiting couple report lower levels of satisfaction in the relationship than married couples. Women are more likely to be abused by a cohabiting boyfriend than a husband. Children are more likely to abused by their mothers’ boyfriends than by her husband, even if the boyfriend is their biological father. If a cohabiting couple ultimately marries, they tend to report lower levels of marital satisfaction and a higher propensity to divorce.

Recent reports and commentaries on cohabitation tend to downplay these difficulties. I suspect this is because people do not know how to make sense of the research findings. Many people imagine that living together before marriage resembles taking a car for a test drive. The "trial period" gives people a chance to discover whether they are compatible. This analogy seems so compelling that people are unable to interpret the mountains of data to the contrary.

Here’s the problem with the car analogy: the car doesn’t have hurt feelings if the driver dumps it back at the used car lot and decides not to buy it. The analogy works great if you picture yourself as the driver. It stinks if you picture yourself as the car.

The contract or consent approach doesn’t really help much either. Living together is fine as long as both people agree to it. The agreement amounts to this: "I am willing to let you use me as if I were a commodity, as long as you allow me to treat you as if you were a commodity. "But this is a bogus agreement. We can say at the outset that we agree to be the ”man of steel", but no one can credibly promise to have no feelings of remorse if the relationship fails.

All of this points to the essential difference between sexual activity and other forms of activity. Giving oneself to a sexual partner is, by its nature, a gift of oneself to another person. We all have a deep longing to be cherished by the person we have sex with. That longing is not fooled by our pretensions to sophistication.

Here is an analogy that works better than the taking the car for a test drive analogy. Suppose I ask you to give me a blank check, signed and ready to cash. All I have to do is fill in the amount. Most people would be unlikely to do this. You would be more likely to do it, if you snuck out and drained the money out of your account before you gave me the check. Or, you could give me the check and just be scared and worried about what I might do.

Think about it: What do you have in your checking account that is more valuable than what you give to a sexual partner? When people live together, and sleep together, without marriage, they put themselves in a position that is similar to the person being asked to give a blank check. They either hold back on their partner by not giving the full self in the sexual act and in their shared lives together. Or, they feel scared a lot of the time, wondering whether their partner will somehow take advantage of their vulnerability.

No one can simulate self-giving. Half a commitment is no commitment. Cohabiting couples are likely to have one foot out the door, throughout the relationship. The members of a-cohabiting couple practice holding back on one another. They rehearse not trusting. The social scientists that gather the data do not have an easy way to measure this kind of dynamic inside the relationship.

In my view, this accounts for the disappointing results of cohabitation. I am sorry to say that I learned this from experience. My husband and I lived together before we were married. It took us a long time to unlearn the habits of the heart that we built up during those cohabiting years.

The sexual revolution promised a humane and realistic approach to human sexuality. Ironically, the uncommitted~sex mentality has proven to underestimate both the value and the power of sexual activity. Lifelong, committed marriages are difficult, no doubt about it. But self-giving loving relationships still have the best chance of making us happy.



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You deserve to hear the truth, especially the truth about how our world got to be in the precarious position it is in. And you deserve to hear it without censorship from the Big Tech companies who think they know better. Join us to fight back and to defend the family! We appreciate your support and look forward to hearing more from you!

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Star Parker is the founder and president of the Center for Urban Renewal and Education (CURE), a Washington D.C. public policy institute that fights poverty and restores dignity through messages of faith, freedom and personal responsibility. Star is a nationally syndicated columnist and hosts a weekly television news show, CURE America. Guests include members of Congress, administration officials and public opinion leaders around the country.

With first-hand experience in the grip of welfare dependency, a Christian conversion changed Star’s life. She began consulting with federal and state legislators on market-based strategies to fight poverty, including federal Welfare Reform, successfully passing life-changing legislation in the mid-90’s. CURE’s clergy program, a national network of more than 500 clergy, works directly with pastors to turn lives around.

In 2020, Star was appointed by President Donald Trump to the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights California Advisory Committee. She was appointed in 2018 by Senate ...

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Christine was born in Saigon, Vietnam one year before it fell to the Communists, and has lived in France and the United States. She has degrees from Notre Dame Law School and Oxford University. She is a senior producer and investigative reporter at Church Militant.

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Rachel Mastrogiacomo shares her clergy abuse story, with its disturbing details.

Rachel Mastrogiacomo was groomed for predation while studying theology in Rome to serve the Catholic church. Her predator was a seminarian deacon at the time, and later was ordained a priest, serving in San Diego. On two occasions, this now-former priest, Jacob Bertrand, held private masses with then-24 year-old Rachel, during which he raped her. He told her that in complying with her rape she was becoming Christ’s special bride.

Rachel suffered devastating life consequences because of the Satanic Ritual Sexual Abuse by Bertrand. After years of silence and shame, Rachel told her diocese of the abuse, but to no avail. Her pleas for help and justice from the Diocese of San Diego, led by Bishop Robert McElroy, were ignored, denied, and deflected. Finally she was forced to go public and take her abuser to court. Bertrand ultimately confessed and was convicted of ritual rape.

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)…

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is ...

To give you a laugh! 😃

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Media Proves Desantis Right About "Banned Books"

“When several television stations cut off a live feed of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ press conference on sexually explicit books, they proved his point,” said Ruth Institute President Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, Ph.D.

The media and activists have accused DeSantis of book-banning for trying to remove sexually explicit books from Florida’s public schools. To defend himself, the governor held a press conference which included a video exposé of several of the titles, like “Gender Queer,” which include graphic descriptions of LGBTQ sex.

“If the books were so shocking that some stations refused to air them, why is it appropriate for school children to be exposed to them?” Morse asked.

“DeSantis is right when he calls it a ‘banned book hoax.’ This is a typical maneuver of radicals. First, they place books in public schools to indoctrinate children. Then, when parents and concerned officials object, they’re accused of banning books.”



“It would be amusing to see how many school libraries carry books like The Sexual State, which I authored. Very few, if any, I would imagine. But if a conservative district put such a book in school libraries and Planned Parenthood complained, would it be guilty of censorship?”

“The hypocrisy is thick. Thank goodness there are leaders like Ron DeSantis who are willing to stand up to bullies' false charges of censorship.”

For more information, check out The Ruth Institute’s Censorship and Propaganda Resource Center.

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Pope Francis Calls Out Gender Ideology

“We were delighted to see Pope Francis deliver a stinging rebuke to gender ideology,” said Ruth Institute president Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, Ph.D.

In an interview with the Argentinian media outlet La Nacion, the Pope called gender ideology, “The most dangerous ideological colonization today” by “virtually eliminating the differences between men and women.”

Morse agreed: “Gender ideology holds that there are no differences between men and women. When President Biden’s Supreme Court nominee, Ketanji Brown Jackson, was asked to define a woman during her confirmation hearings, she demurred, saying she wasn’t a biologist.”

“By the same ‘logic,’ if someone asked her what a house was, she’d have to say, ‘Why ask me? I’m not an architect.’”

“Almost everyone in the Biden administration has embraced this lunacy – that if a man says he’s a woman, he’s a woman, and anyone who challenges him is ‘hateful,’” Morse remarked.



“Not only is this perspective unscientific, it’s also un-biblical. Genesis 1:27 says God created man in His own image, ‘male and female He created them.’ This is the foundation on which society rests – that it’s composed of men and women.”

“But gender ideology says there are no men and women, just ‘birthing persons’ and individuals with penises. If you can get someone to go along with this, you can get them to go along anything,” Morse said.

“I’ve often wondered how proponents of abortion can speak of a ‘woman’s right to choose,’ when they can’t say what a woman is?”

“But this is only the beginning. Gender ideology also includes unrestricted access to abortion, the dissolution of marriage, and the sexualization of children.”

“Pope Francis is right,” Morse said. “Gender ideology seeks to destroy the family by erasing the social and legal distinctions between men and women. And it needs to stop.”

For further resources, check out the Ruth Institute’s Transgender Resource Center.


Read the full article here.

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Combating the Sexual Revolution in Cleveland
at the Bringing America Back to Life

Ruth Institute President Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, Ph.D., will be a featured speaker at “Bringing America Back to Life,” the 2023 Cleveland Right to Life Convention, March 10-11.

More than 1,500 people from Ohio and across the United States are expected to attend the convention. The program focuses on prayer, action, voting, and education to end abortion.

Morse will speak March 10th on “Understanding and Combating the Global Sexual Revolution.” Her talk will include an explanation of how the State supports this revolution through courts, legislation, and regulatory agencies.

“I want to help the dedicated leaders and activists of the right-to-life movement understand that the attack on the unborn doesn’t exist in isolation, but is connected to the most dangerous revolution of our times, one that works to destroy marriage and families,” Morse said.



She will describe how the church’s traditional teachings on morality can and should be defended, and are a means to protect the sanctity of life. She will also explain the core principle that all family advocates must defend, namely, that every child has a right to his or her father and mother, married to each other, except for an unavoidable tragedy.

Morse spoke on this topic last December in Krakow, Poland, at a conference sponsored by the Auxilium Foundation, and will be speaking again this month at the Human Life International conference in New Zealand.

The Ruth Institute will also have an exhibit at the Cleveland Right to Life convention, which will include new material on Demographic Winter (the dramatic worldwide decline in fertility) and how to combat the rising transgender craze.

For more information, see the Ruth Institute’s resource centers on marriage, transgenderism, and Demographic Winter.

Read the article here.

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